Excuse Me While I Bang My Head Against A Wall

I am honestly considering taping a sign on my head. One that reads:
NO MATTER HOW FUNNY I LOOK, I'M NOT DUMB.
I mean, honestly people.
Now, this whole predicament began yesterday, during which I went shopping. Shopping in itself is an appalling concept for me. I've never really understood the pull women feel towards running around in a mall filled with other people and buying things that really only look good in the store. As long as it fits and doesn't make me look fatter than I already am, I'll take it and leave as fast as my legs will carry me.
But when shopping with my mother (my only source of money at the current time) everything becomes some blown up, dragged out, horrific situation. The thing with my mother is, she thinks that whatever looks good on her will look good on me.
Hahaha.
I don't think so.
She tried to get me to try on this pair of skinny jeans. I wouldn't normally have a problem with this, even though I naturally garb my chubby legs in loose fitting capris and jean shorts. Trying new things is good, right?
The pair she picked were neon green.
Neon. Green.
Please refer to the sign at the beginning of this post. Seriously, I'm really not.
The second incident was early today. My brother decided to sic the dog on my face at eight a.m. so I could make him hash browns. My dog is a lovely little pit bull with an equally lovely disposition. She has one teeny tiny little character flaw however. She likes to lick. Not just those cute little laps, but like full face wash with smelly breath.
After being rudely woken up like that, I made my dang brother his dang hash browns.
My brother's friend spent the night, which I have no problem with. But while they were munching away on my tireless fruits of labour, he asked me a question. A silly question really.
He asked me if I would go into the farmer's field across the road to shoot some chickens with a Nerf gun.
I ask him to repeat the question, certain I hadn't heard correctly. So he repeated it and I stood there, not making a sound and hoping he would forget the whole thing. The farmer across the road already isn't fond of me since I might have made a tiny little maze in his cornfield. All in the name of Hallowe'en.
Anyway, the kid asked the question a few more times after that. I ignored him all the while. But when he finally got fed up with my silence, he then proceeded to say it slowly. He asked me like I was some sort of slow brained child.
Made my day I tell you.
Just effing made my day.
I am seriously thinking about making that sign. Possibly laminating it so people really get the message.
Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall.